You might think by the title of this that I'm mad at someone. No. I'm fed up with myself. I've felt like this for a while now but it's slowly getting to me and just driving me crazy. I've gained a decent amount of weight lately, and I'm just disgusted with myself. I hate my stomach, my arms, my legs. I'm getting a double chin, something that would look wonderful in wedding pictures the month after next. I'm hoping writing all this down will make me commit to it more or making it a more public thing will.
I think not having a job this summer was really bad for my waistline. I had nothing to do, so boredom made me eat...a lot. And I have a huge sweet tooth, so it wasn't always the best food I was eating either. I find myself eating one meal and thinking about the next one I'm going to eat. It's pretty pathetic. I won't be hungry at all, and I'll be thinking about what to eat for dinner. Or I'll be eating dinner and planning snacks for later. It's just became something that has consumed me and I need out, now. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like I need to reclaim ME and not let the food get the best of me.
I feel self-conscious all the time and it's really stressful and frustrating. Like even around Brandon. And the self-consciousness is making me insecure which ultimately leads to trust issues, which is never a good thing. Brandon gets paid tomorrow, so I'm going to start the Slim Fast plan. I'm going to try out a pack of the shakes and bars and see if I even like them, because I'm not going to commit to something nasty, but I've heard good things so hopefully it will work out. As for the one balanced meal a day, I'm not going to use the ones on their site because they have a lot of stuff I don't like in them (I'm really picky), but I'm going to try some Lean Cuisines and non-fried meats and veggies.
As for working out, I'd really like it if I could fit it into my schedule to do it 3 days a week after my Personal Health and Fitness class. Fitting, huh? I could go to the gym after class ends at noon, work out for an hour, go home, shower, and go to my next class at 3:30. They don't have showers at the school gym, that would make too much sense. But I think that would work, time-wise. According to the "lost 2 pounds a week to be healthy" rule, I could lose 16 before the wedding! That would at least take care of the double chin. lol. My dress isn't form fitting, so it doesn't really matter anywhere in the stomach area or legs, but I still want to get them all in better shape.
I feel so much better after writing all this out and developing a plan. It all just seems so overwhelming and impossible to do, but I know little by little, it can be done! Nicole at Flip Flops and Combat Boots is my inspiration, I guess you could cheesily say, that it can and will work! She's a real person, not some lame airbrushed fake person on TV telling me it'll work, so that's comforting. I guess that's all for now. I'll keep everyone updated on my progress, so I'll be obligated to stick to this thing! Maybe Thursdays will now be my Weight Loss Update days or something. We'll just see. Until next time!
